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MEMF » Decreased libido – when does it depend on the partner?

Decreased libido – when does it depend on the partner?

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A decrease in libido or the desire for sexual intercourse is one of the most frequent complaints that make people turn to psychologists and sexologists. Many factors play a role in the levels of sexual desire – it does not have a constant value and often changes under the influence of climatic changes, hormonal fluctuations, health status, mood, personal experience, social factors, as well as often overlooked factors. the dynamics of the relationship between two people.

Libido is a purely individual characteristic of each person, and even in couples who have been together for a long time, sometimes there are unsynchronized ups and downs of desire. Lack of communication and free expression of preferences on the frequency of sexual contact can seriously damage intimate relationships.

If “half” of a couple experiences a stronger attraction, especially during the period of a partner’s libido decline, sex is often unsatisfactory for both. This leads to additional psycho-emotional consequences. Men most often decide that they did not perform well enough and did not satisfy their intimate partner. Women, on the contrary, experience self-critical emotions directed at their appearance and behavior.

Both observed reactions complicate the development of relationships and can lead to low self-esteem, depressive states, and stress reactions that further reduce sexual desire, at least for a certain period of time.

Such discrepancies in the levels of sexual desire are described in detail in the classic study of sexual sciences by B. Silbergeld and K. Ellison “Divergences of desires and problems of arousal in sex therapy”. “since 1980. According to scientists, the presence of such discrepancies in no way means that one partner has a “normal” libido, and the other does not. Libido has periodically changing values. An intimate attitude to the body and the partner’s desires is the key to a healthy relationship between them, but this does not mean that someone with a lower libido should “catch up” with his partner.

To avoid this problem, as the research of Ellison and Silbergeld shows, the most effective is direct, calm communication that focuses not on the problem, but on its solution. Figuring out different habits, preferences, and desires, especially regarding the frequency of sexual acts, is a key step towards a better sex life for both of you. Collectively bringing harmony into intimate life, many psychological causes of low sexual desire are eliminated.


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